Summers Pass Me By
by Unlegally Insane
Summary: Starting with the summer before first year, and ending the summer after Voldemort's defeat. Hermione looks back on her life.


1. We all cried at the idea of my leaving for a boarding school. I lied, and said it was for the "exceptionally bright." We were still a unit, unbroken by different experiences. We were a group of four girls, running through the park, swimming in the pool, laughing on the beach. We were one.

I didn't worry about the future, because it was bright. Magic and a whole new world awaited. I had the chance every little girl dreamed of. I couldn't wait to throw myself in. And I knew that I always would have a place to return to.

2. When I returned, my first sight of my friends was filled with color. We met at the neighborhood pool, and I still remember the color of their suits. Red, purple, green, and yellow. We hugged, pulled away, smiled, and hugged some more. It was bliss to return.

When we talked, I felt like I was much older, which near-death experiences under my belt, and my first battle against evil done. I knew I had gone through more than they could ever imagine, and a thin glass wall separated me from them. I would do my best to break it down.

3. I was filled with apprehension the next time I met my friends. I had no memory of part of my year, and the image of great yellow eyes haunted my nightmares. Again, I had faced and survived an evil they would never fathom. And I wished I was normal. I wanted to be like them, beautiful, carefree, instead of weighed down with the fear of turning a corner and being killed.

They didn't see they change in me, and we still continued as normal. There were times when I pulled away instead of drawing close, but we were still whole.

4. This year, when I returned home, all I wanted to do was sleep and cry. I had lived everyday at least twice, and witnessed first hand the cruelty of humanity. I saw the remnants of an innocent man, bent from decaying in the pits of Hell. And I saw the scum of the earth run free, while the kindest was subjugated. It was so unfair.

My friends began to notice, began to pull away a little. They saw my reluctance to talk as an insult. We remained close, but instead of a wall, a chasm began to grow between us.

5. When I came home, tearstained, the first thing I did was see my friends. They held me as I sobbed about the boy who died. They helped me regain the strength I desperately needed to help Harry. Once I recovered, we spent hours gossiping about my year, particularly my dates. For once, there was no gap, and we were all teenage girls, giggling about love and soul mates.

All the damage of the past seemed to be gone, and we were united. I had a hidden reserve of strength no one knew about, my secret friends in my first world.

6. When I saw my friends this summer, it was as if the last had never happened. We stood on far sides of a abyss, barely able to communicate. I had willingly led a woman to near death and insanity, seen a man murdered, and come within sight of death.

My emotional scars were clearly visible. I never stopped moving, always checking for Death Eaters. I flinched at loud sound, and sudden movement made me jump. I was never at ease, always waiting for the next threat. They couldn't understand, so they left me behind. The gap widened to immeasurable distance.

7. My friends wouldn't see me this year. They had grown tired of my weird habits, and left me alone. It was what I needed, to make my plans for the upcoming year. I modified my parents' memories, sent them to Australia, and went to live with the Weasleys.

Yet, regret remained. I missed the easy laughter, the sun on my face, the wind in my hair, and the cool water over my skin. I missed the meandering discussions we had, the late night beauty talks. Resentment was there too. I resented growing up to soon, and losing my childhood days.

8. I wished I had been there for them, when I returned home after Voldemort's defeat, only to find that my hometown had been attacked. The town still had ruins, and afthermath was clear. No family was unscathed. My friends all died, defying the Death Eaters command for sexual favors. My next-door neighbor couldn't bear the dark, and slept with every light on.

What good was winning, when so many lay broken? How could I fix these people? How could I have not been there to defend them? Guilt lay heavy on my heart. So I left the Muggle world forever.


End file.
